We are pleased to confirm that our firstborn daughter, the beautiful, brutal little lady Godblind, is one year old today.
She had a lengthy gestation (more than a decade), but eventually she burst her way into life like that darling little xenomorph through Kane’ chest.
Since then, she’s had a big year, travelling to countries around the world and being translated into other languages, with lots of people being enamoured of her glory and others finding her upsetting or weird (we don’t understand either, but she’s dealt with it admirably. I mean, who could resist this little face?).
Like any young lady, she’s tried out some different looks to express her individuality, and we know she’ll continue with this experimentation over the next year and hopefully beyond.
She’s made friends in Australia, Indonesia, India, across Europe and into North America and Canada, and, at least to our knowledge, she hasn’t killed any of them. In fact, while she’s made a few people wince or even throw up or have nightmares, we know she only did it from the
evil goodness of her little heart. She can’t help how she was made, after all.
Her Uncle Harry was so excited by her birth that he decorated his shop in celebration, giving a cheeky wink to her biggest asset – the hammer:
We know she’s got a bit of a reputation, and can be a feisty little lady when she wants to be (which is all the time), but honestly, we wouldn’t have her any other way, and when her little sister, Darksoul, is born on 23 August, she promises not to cave her head in.
We believe her, at least for now. The minx.
I’m sure you, like us, can see the two of them tripping through the daisies together, hand in bloody hand, laughing as they gut unsuspecting passersby. A perfect English idyll.
If you’d like to help celebrate Godblind’s first birthday, you’ll find you can own your very own version of her (we advise a hermetically sealed box and some strong gardening gloves when handling her – and stay away from sharp, or even blunt, weapons. In fact, it might be best to sit in an open field or a sealed, empty room while reading her, just to be very safe. Though we understand she once coerced someone into attempting death by a thousand paper cuts. We can only apologise. Kids will be kids, eh?).
Anyway, all joking aside, you can buy our lovely little girl at, but not limited to, the following establishments:
Amazon.com – $0.99 on Kindle
Amazon.co.uk – £1.99 on Kindle
Waterstone’s – £8.99 in paperback
Barnes & Noble – $11.15 in paperback
Happy birthday, sweetheart.